The Bachelor and The Bachelorette: A Satirical Analysis

One of my best friends and my favorite pass times is to sit on the couch in old baggy sweatpants, stuff our faces with food, and discuss (harshly judge) the personalities and looks of both men and women on the Bachelorette or the Bachelor. If you ask me, this show really captures the essence of true love and magical moments experienced by the most elite young members of our society. 

I think there's nothing more sexy than a twenty something year old cell phone salesmen from Michigan wanting to sweep me off my feet in front of America and all the loving people who watch this ingenious show. For those of you who aren't familiar with this spectacle of love and faith and devotion, what are you doing with your time? Certainly not educating yourself on the art of modern romance. 

Sometimes we get wonderful exotic men like Juan Pablo on the show to really spice things up and show us that "es okay" to love multiple women at once, but "es okay" to also not love any of them. (I mean c'mon, you know there are some serious red flags when even his family are warning you about his habits.) I will say that all the women had some genuine concern for Camilla, Juan Pablo's daughter, which really struck my heart. I mean, what woman wouldn't be thrilled to be a stepmother to a child that is more bilingual than you are? (And Camilla obviously did not like any of these women, you can see this obviously by her silence and body language when she met the last contenders of Juan Pablo's...dare I say, love?). 

Now, in all seriousness, I very much did admire Sean and Catherine from Season 17. They appear to be real people, in love and complete with quirks and morals and problems and a past of their own. What struck me most about Sean and Catherine is they waited till their wedding (which was beautifully broad casted on the abc network) to consummate their love, which seemed to shock America greatly. In my opinion, after filtering through 25 women, was a very gallant and admirable decision for them to have made. Cudos to Sean and Catherine. (And if you watched the final Bachelor episode featuring Juan Pablo and his parade of emotions and rude comments, Sean and Catherine's expressions made me laugh more than Nicki's awful personality and frankly, her serious compatibility with Juan Pablo). 

This show is extremely hard to describe, before you know it, your hands are at the bottom of a bag of smartpop white cheddar popcorn, and you're questioning your life choices at 10pm at night on the eastern seaboard. But you know next week you'll do that same thing...and es okay. 

Love Always, B

Self Image Issues: The Skinny On Why They're Not Cool

Self Image issues are by far one of the worst calamities of our time that face humans, women especially, of any age. There's nothing that gets under my skin more or as quickly than when someone has only negative things to speak of about specific parts of their body. This may be one of the most harsh and abrasive things I've ever wanted to say about diets, weight, beauty, image and food so badly that I've created a blog to discuss it, but I want to start off by saying the following:

1. No one cares if you want to lose 10 pounds when you look great now. Keep it to yourself. I'm proud of you, but still mildly uninterested. 

2. Along with not caring, we (family, friends, waiters, twitter) don't want to hear it. Its annoying hearing you say you "cant" eat something and go on and on (and on and on) about it because of the weight you're trying to lose. Quit making me feel bad about enjoying a piece of birthday cake, after all, birthdays are natures way of reminding us to eat more cake!

3. Stop talking about your workouts. Keep it to yourself. Again, We don't care, although I'm glad you're active for the sake of your overall health. Maybe those endorphins will help you realize that true happiness isn't losing weight and not eating girl scout cookies. Have a damn cookie, but stay active. 

4. Don't talk about food. Don't talk about junk food. Don't talk about healthy food. Its only how many calories? OhWaitIDontCare. The only time I want you to hear about food from you is if it's what we're preparing for dinner, what we're ordering at a restaurant, or if the food you're eating tastes good. 

5. Stop counting calories and only eating, and I quote, "700 calories a day". The average healthy woman eats between 1,949 calories down to about 1,535 calories a day in her lifespan progressively between the ages of 20 and 70 (according to healthyeating.com). You're a psycho if you actually count every little thing you eat for the sake of losing weight to be "skinny" (on the contrary, if you have to do so for legitimate medical reasons, this does not in any way apply to you). You also may want to check and see if the oxygen you breathe has a calorie count as well, in which case if it does, try to cut down on breathing as well. 

And Self image issues go way further than just weight! It goes to height, voice, hair, skin, complexion, smile, even feet. Let me shed some light on the subject. First of all and most importantly, everyone is beautiful inside or out, or both. Its what you do with that beauty, how you carry yourself, and how you make other people feel about themselves and their beauty that counts. I don't have self image issues because...

1. God made me this way. He made me with curly hair and dark eyes and ruddy skin and a sharp nose and strange feet (the toes next to my big toes are longer than all the others, and frankly its weird, but I'll take it). But God also made me healthy, and strong, and flexible and more important than anything: smart and happy. 

2. I love my body. No, really, I love the way I look. When it comes to my reflection, I'm obsessed with it. I love to look at and admire myself. I may be narcissistic, but hey, I know its better than the alternative of picking myself apart in front of the mirror. I love my thighs and my tummy and my knees and my shoulders. I love my pores and my hair and my teeth and my smile. I am not nor will I ever be perfect. But I love myself, which allows me to know how to love others and make them feel good about themselves. 

3. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot. His opinion and mine are the only ones I really keep track of. 

My advice?

 Love yourself. Treat yourself to clothes that make you feel good. Wear pretty lip gloss. Have a piece of the birthday cake.  Get your hair done. Go play a sport you love. Paint your nails. Go exercise with a friend for fun. Make something new. Compliment someone. Be genuine and Be kind. Find a role model. Try something different today. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself, remember that feeling, and cling to it. You're beautiful each and every day that you live. 

Love Always, B